Changing the culture of bad behaviour @ work

Bad behaviour in the workplace can run up high costs in terms of reduced productivity, wellbeing, mental health, missed days at work and loss of revenue. In other words, it affects the bottom line of business, not to mention perpetuating individual suffering. Therefore, it would seem organisations and industries would be well advised to address both ‘misbehaving’ individuals, and the broader issue of culture change, designed towards eradicating such behaviours as mobbing, bullying and some of the less obvious ones; i.e. selective exclusion of individuals from groups, stringing people along, or purposefully assigning tedious and meaningless tasks.

Recently, I’ve been involved in running immersive workshops on the subject of bullying, and developing strategies of how to manage a badly behaving colleague at work. Lively and often critical discussions arose amongst the participants; particularly, around the usefulness of the bullied person experimenting with and learning how to deal with a bully, versus having someone in the higher echelons come in, ‘sort out’ the bully and generally get bullies to behave better.

Now, of course much depends on the person being bullied and their relationship with the perpetrator. And, please keep in mind that I am exclusively speaking of adults, here, not children. Admittedly, however, often there will be a power differential or dependence that facilitates bullying in the first place, which can make it all the more difficult to call out and put a stop to. So, far from suggesting the bullied person should just ‘take’ the behaviour and get some form of support, later, I do firmly believe we can only control our own behaviour, not someone else’s. And, I also firmly believe if our aim is culture change at large, misbehaviour needs to addressed at all levels - from the top to the bottom of the totem pole. Let me explain.

If the aim is to change a bad culture in the workplace, I believe we all must change our own behaviour first. Much as I wish this for myself sometimes, we cannot count on someone else to put a stop to unpleasant things for us. And once again I am talking about adults, here. I will also briefly mention a bright and little-known researcher and psychiatrist by the name of W. Ross Ashby (also see Requisite Variety and Cybernetics), who described way back in the 1960ies that if you can’t change the system; the system changes you. And, I reckon the same goes for culture.

So, I’ve come to the following conclusions:

1. Change our own behaviour we can, other’s behaviour we cannot.
2. We can learn to stand up for ourselves, and sometimes this might mean losing a battle to win the war.
3. We can respectfully insist on being treated by others with due respect.
4. We can set a good example by treating people with more respect and kindness than they perhaps deserve. I believe cutting others some slack and treating them respectfully breeds kindness and respect in return… You know, the whole yelling into, and echo coming out of the woods thing….
5. By all means, engage others such as colleagues, peers, trusted superiors, and friendly people at the HR department to assist in these matters. I am not suggesting this need be or should have to be shouldered alone, not at all.
6. We can choose to speak up for those who don’t, won’t or can’t speak for themselves.
7. Together we can continue the conversation, create awareness and speak to policy makers, CEO’s, directors, superiors and HR representatives, and thus start changing the culture - the system - which will in turn impact individual people within that system, both bullies and the bullied.

So, the workshops on dealing with bad behaviour in the workplace are not meant, nor could they ever be, the be all and end all, the one and only solution to this cultural and systemic issue. As all the workshops I run, they are meant to get people thinking, and talking to one another. They are meant to let people experiment with - in the safe workshop space - how they might choose to behave on an individual level when they find themselves in such a situation. And, perhaps most importantly these workshops are intended to challenge perspectives, to slightly rattle people to incentivise them to take action towards change. And, if we have only in a little part succeeded in doing that, then I would say ‘mission accomplished’.

If you are interested in learning more about these workshops please get in touch here for all workplaces and / or here for the health care sector. Thank you.

Serious Woo - addressing elephants in the room

There's an elephant in the room!

Mental health issues occur quite often in the general population. Depending on the source around 1 in 5 people will have to deal with a mental health issue sometime in their life. So, it is very likely that any one of us will come across this sooner or later, either in someone we know or in ourselves. And it is a given that a number of people in the workplace will be dealing with mental health issues.

Therefore, it is helpful to gain an understanding about mental health issues, be able to better recognise when someone is suffering from a mental health issue, and know how to respond and support the person in getting qualified help. Knowing what to do in theory, and doing it in the heat of the moment, are two quite different things. Therefore, it is extremely useful to participate in an experiential learning course, where participants get the opportunity to practice communication around addressing elephants in the room, before they might have to do so in real-life.

I would like to shout out to the wonderful people at Serious Woo - many of whom I know and can personally recommend - for offering this course in the workplace and corporate space. The course is run by Serious Woo involving professional role-play actors and knowledgeable, highly experienced psychotherapists and facilitators for an engaging experience. For further inquiry and to book a course please contact Serious Woo at:

http://docs.wixstatic.com/ugd/214c7e_4b356f0b0d794a17bb9168abe619d2a2.pdf

or

www.seriouswoo.com.au 

Performing at peak

Climbing Mount Everest is serious business - it is literally peak performance - and there is no doubt that Sir Edmund Hillary would not have made the ascent he did without Tensing Norgay.

Today, every peak-performing athlete has a whole host of people supporting them; a sports coach, a mental coach, a sports physician, a nutritionist, a physio, a massage therapist, a mentor, a spokesperson, a manager, an accountant, a legal counsel, and the list goes on... Yes, it truly takes a village for one person to excel! And lest we not forget, the champion is standing on the shoulders of everyone who came before them. They are continuously harnessing the collective learnings, development and trial and error of earlier sportspeople and the path blazed by them, to make that particular discipline what it is today.

And, the same goes for any peak performance. Let's take business for example, there is no such thing as a self made man or woman. None of us make it entirely on our own. And to think otherwise is quite frankly, foolish. We all benefit from collective resources, knowledge, technology, support and opportunities given us along the way by others.

You may be thinking, well, I am no high performing athlete, I am no highflying executive, no high profile entrepreneur, no brain surgeon, rocket scientist or high altitude mountaineer. Perhaps not, however, if you wish to excel at something, if you are operating in a high-stakes environment, if you want to make an important difference for others, it is useful to make sure you have the best chances at succeeding at what you do. Having the right tools, obtaining important information, getting the training, optimising processes, getting crucial feedback and tweaking as you go, are all aspects of ensuring optimal conditions for success.

So, does it not make sense then, that anyone wishing to up their game - whatever that particular game might be - would stand to benefit from supportive hands and minds along the way? Someone who is rooting for you? Someone who wants to see you succeed? Someone who picks up and notes the things you don't? Someone who occasionally holds up a mirror? Someone who is in it with you, and is equipped with extra knowledge, tools and experience? So, who makes up your village? Who is your Tensing Norgay?

Working in the trenches - Mindset & Resilience

A little while ago, I was talking to a fellow doctor. One of those who describes herself as an elder, or should I say a seasoned individual with a track record of having been in the trenches and seen the better part of the human (mis-)behavioural spectrum. We both agreed that our experiences can and should be used towards helping younger colleagues navigate some of the joys and pitfalls of working life, particularly in the medical profession. And along those lines, we asked ourselves how resilience can be built amongst health care professionals, and in extension amongst people in general.

Resilience is commonly defined as the ability to bounce back in the face of setbacks, failures, disappointments and mistakes. And, I believe one of the biggest barriers to resilience - particularly amongst doctors - is the prevailing 'fixed mindset' (as described by Carol Dweck). This describes a mindset that is very outcome orientated, an all or nothing, black or white view of the world. This mindset is very common, I daresay especially in people who tend towards being perfectionistic, and in my experience there are a fair few of those working in hospitals and practices, near and far. But really, I think this applies to anyone who has a perfectionistic streak. And, these individuals typically fear not getting it right, and making mistakes more than anything. Being anything less than perfect is perceived as catastrophic for them and for the people this may affect. They would have let themselves and everybody else down. How do I know this? Well, take a wild guess;)

The problem is that we all know we are not perfect, nor free from making mistakes. On an intellectual level we understand this, yet, when it happens it feels terrible. Even to the point where it might discourage us from ever trying that particular thing again or moving beyond our comfort zone and trying something we might be less then perfect at. And with that our lives shrink, become smaller and smaller, and definitely less adventurous. Which is a shame. Really.

On the other hand, there are people with a growth mindset (check out Carol Dweck - it's good stuff) who learn by making mistakes. And yes, there are a few of these people working in medicine, too. They go out and experiment, they go take a leap, knowing that there is a possibility for a rocky landing. Picture that! And when and if they land in a heap on the floor, they not only pick themselves back up, but they bounce back. They try again, they try better, and yes, occasionally they fail better. And of course eventually they succeed, and in doing so they grow, they become better than they were before. And I think that is a wonderful headspace to be in.

So how do we as the elders, the youngsters and everyone in-between, create such a health care culture where minds are open, where resilience and support are strong? The good news is everyone can learn to grow a growth mindset, and by doing this, improve their resilience. You can start small, and test the waters. And, you can set up 'safe to fail experiments', in other words small challenges where a crash landing is not life threatening. But you just might find it to be life altering, in a good way. You can orchestrate your environment such that you are supported by people who have done this before and who can cheer you on along the way, and help pick up the pieces when it doesn't go to plan. And this is where elders, experienced colleagues, supportive friends, family, and professionals can be of great help. People who can hold you accountable for challenging yourself with such experiments, and offer support and encouragement where needed. So, from my view as a friend, a family member and a professional, it is in everyone's interest, and it is our shared responsibility to co-create environments that are supportive of individuals who are willing to engage, experiment, contribute and not be blamed and shamed if they occasionally get it wrong. It is important to have each other's backs! And I reckon, the sense of feeling safe to fail and not be draconically sanctioned for any and every misstep will in itself promote more successful endeavours.

The gratitude jar

Hello, and happy New Year! I hope everyone has had enjoyable holidays and is ready for what 2018 will bring.

A friend shared an idea on FB and I really like it, so I will share it with you.

1. Take a nice empty jar (if all else fails a recycled pickle glass will do). I'll take the jar my godson made me (see above) and remember how good the homemade jam tasted.
2. Write something good that happened on a piece of paper once every week (designate a favourite weekday such as Friday - there is a reason it's called TGIF, no?) and pop it in the jar.
3. Then at the end of the year you can read all the little notes and have something positive to remember 2018 by!

Et voilà, one simple jar and you've wrapped a few important positive psychology concepts all into one (gratitude, pleasure, savouring, reminiscing, appreciation of beauty - well, if it isn't the old pickle jar, anyway).

Mindfulness & Wellbeing Series 2018

Ta da!! I am very happy to announce the collaboration with the wonderful Nicole Toohey (leadership consultant and skilled facilitator) on an exciting new workshop; the Mindfulness & Wellbeing Series!

These four evenings are open to all, and are designed to empower you to take your life's journey into your own hands, regain focus for 2018, nourish yourself and add a bit of fun & light-heartedness.

We will be sharing evidence-based tools and research findings on how to improve emotional, physical and mental wellbeing. And, we will also have plenty of time to practice mindfulness techniques, connect and share this experience with like-minded individuals, and lastly enjoy a chat over a cup of tea and homemade bliss balls!

If you are interested, please feel free to contact me, and save the following dates: 6 Feb, 13, 20 & 27 Feb, 7pm in Zetland (near Surry Hills). Early bird registration is AUD 250 pp, until 26 Jan. We will also be circulating flyers shortly. Places are limited, so be sure to secure yourself a spot!

The wind of change...

“When the wind of change blows, some people build walls, others build windmills. - Chinese Proverb”

We certainly live in interesting times. We are in the middle of a digital revolution, which is probably as profound as (if not more so) than the shift from an agricultural society to the industrial age. Now, once again the wind of change is blowing, things are changing and they are changing at breakneck speed. Industries are being disrupted by startups, technology is setting the pace and enabling things that previously were only dreamt of, the world is as interconnected and as accessible as never before, new jobs are emerging, old ones are going extinct and the entire face of society is morphing. This new age - as any new age in history did - poses both huge opportunities and considerable threats. Our life as we know it is being re-written, if we realise it yet or not, let alone if we like it or not.

The mindsets and models for work and life that most of us grew up with were sculpted in the late 19th century, and these largely are no longer applicable and nor do they serve us well anymore. So we need to change our thinking, our behaviour, we need to reconsider our previous models and assumptions, and must reinvent our minds, who we are and how we operate - in other words we need to reinvent ourselves. Granted, this is a challenge, but one that can be tackled. Humans are incredibly able and adaptable, we have found means of living in nearly all climate zones of our planet, we are able to engage in life-long learning, we can acquire new skills and capabilities at any age. It takes effort of course, and sometimes support from people who are a few steps ahead on their journey of change that can guide us here and there.

On the flip side, we can embrace many new opportunities, we can find a way of living life more meaningfully, if we align our values with our striving and undertakings. We can place importance on why we do something and not so much on the how, there are many paths to Rome after all. So, I would argue that if change is happening anyway - and make no mistake, it is, and there is no going back - we might as well sculpt the way we want to work and live in this new environment. And yes it is scary, we need to veer off our trodden path and embark on a new and uncertain journey, we need to jump without knowing how and where we might land. We may not have all the knowhow yet, but we can trust in our own ability to learn as we go, and we will have the certainty of knowing why we do what we do. I really believe that we have been given an ideal window of opportunity to sculpt ourselves and our lives to align with our values and hence live more purposefully. So, as the old Chinese proverb states, I want to be the one building windmills, don't you?

Finding your purpose

Finding one's purpose and acting on it, I believe, is one of the most important quests in life. It is correlated with happiness, resilience and wellbeing. People may have more than one purpose depending on the context. And, I suspect our purpose may change, at least slightly, throughout our life.

Finding my purpose certainly was, and still is an iterative process. Generally, I thought it was 'helping people', which no doubt led to my studying medicine half a lifetime ago. Over the years, I've realised I needed to slightly refine my purpose. Currently, I would define it as 'helping people help themselves'. My belief is that every one of us is essentially equipped with everything we need to help - and to an extent even to heal - ourselves. This may sound somewhat fantastical, however, I think there is something rather comforting in believing that people are, and can become empowered and enabled to act on their own behalf; for the benefit of their mind, body and spirit. The beauty of coaching is that the client is supported in (re-) discovering that agency, or in psychological terms the 'self-efficacy', to be able to improve their own situation and align their effort with what deeply matters to them.

Enough about me. So, where does that leave you and your purpose? Lucky you, if you know what it is and you are living accordingly. For those who have not figured this out yet, positive psychology researchers (Todd Kashdan and colleagues) have identified three main avenues to find purpose: 

1. Proactive - This means you actively choose to search for, find and engage with your purpose. This can include self-reflection or enlisting a professional to help you with this process.
2. Reactive - Something happens in your life that kicks you out of a deep sleep, forces your eyes open and makes you take a good hard look at yourself. This often can be a loss of some sort, for example your health, freedom, relationship or job. It may also be a positive event such as becoming a parent.
3. Social learning - Observing and learning how others live their lives. It might include admiring someone for how they act and wanting to emulate that, or having a role model to aspire to.

And yes, sometimes it will be a combination of the above. If you still find this somewhat daunting, or you decide you want to engage with your purpose now, what are you waiting for? Get the support you need, and get to work!

Fish-eye, zoom & switching lenses

I was talking to my husband about a personal issue that needs solving. And he said to me, 'you know, you are diving into the details rather than seeing the larger picture'. And much as I hate to admit it, he was right. He caught me out. Ha!

As an avid photography fan, I compare this to using a particular lens to capture one's picture. There are those of us who like our tele-lenses, and zoom in on details way off in the distance. Some of us use a macro lens, up close and personal. Then there are those (i.e. hubby) who prefer a fish-eye to capture as much of their surroundings as possible. The really smart photographer, of course, adapts the lens to the situation.

We often look at a particular issue through our favoured lens without even being really aware that we are using but one of many possible lenses, let alone that a different lens might be more useful or produce a more interesting picture. This is where it can be very helpful to engage with people who favour other lenses than we do, or with a professional coach, and learn about different perspectives, and how to apply a broader range of equipment.

So I now make an active effort to switch lenses more often. And I do know that it is often easier recognising the lens another person is using, than recognising your own. Hey, we all have our blind spots. Surely this is an ongoing learning process for most of us. So, rather than inching my way across my particular landscape in tiny blurbs as viewed through a tele-lens, then trying to piece it all together (good luck with that), I will pull out the ol' fish-eye, switch lenses, and give it a go. Who knows what I might see...?

Woolly sheep in sexy wolfskins

'Coaching' is a term that is bandied about a lot, lately. 

While the term has undoubtedly evolved from the world of sports, and has since taken on learnings from business, leadership and psychology, it seems to have become an umbrella term for everything even remotely related to helping people be better versions of themselves. Yes, coaching is 'en vogue', coaching is 'sexy' and everyone wants it, everyone does it. 

But consumer be aware, a coach may not be a coach, and coaching is not always what it seems. Sometimes "coaching" is mentoring, consulting or training in disguise. A woolly sheep in a supremely sexy wolfskin so to speak. And if that is what meets your needs, great. Coaching, however, is a very specific methodology concerned with supporting and challenging clients toward enacting change, growth and reaching goals. It is not mentoring, nor consulting, and it sure ain't counselling. 

So if you are looking for a qualified coach, make sure to ask some questions upfront: What are her credentials? What is his experience? What sort of service can she provide? Can they give you references? Do they work according to a code of conduct and ethical guidelines? You may also want to know what approach she takes and what coaching models he uses. Where is the evidence for how she works? For more information you can check out www.coachfederation.org or http://sydney.edu.au/science/psychology/coach/

Granted, there are suppliers who deliver top service in more than one of these areas. So, again, choose whatever and whoever floats your boat! As long as you know what you are getting:)