Do no harm AND take no shit

Mmh, maybe something to ponder for the beginning of a new year? I’ve just recently stumbled across this catchy phrase. I do not know who came up with it, but it must have been someone pretty clever. So, I’ve decided to unabashedly make this my motto, henceforth.

This really resonates with me. As a medical professional this is our highest tenet: “Do no harm!”, and so it should be. We’ve sworn an oath after all, and this underpins everything we do as health care professionals. We want to provide a benefit, not harm.

And yet… This seems a bit narrow and incomplete. Let’s look at this a bit more broadly. There is a real risk that doing no harm could be reduced to doing no physical harm, doing no harm to others. What about harm to self? Or it could be misconstrued as a justification to take shit, where no shit needs to be taken, to play nice when nice-play isn’t helpful, to not do anything before risk harming someone (which of course in and of itself can be the most harmful thing of all).

So, I’d like to advocate for the second bit. I strongly believe in doing no harm to others or to self. So, doing no harm as a standalone is incomplete. There needs to be an addendum. We need to add the ‘take no shit’ bit. This is about boundaries and respect. What this really means is that we subscribe to the first bit by being helpful, supportive, respectful, kind, competent, careful AND we maintain our boundaries. We let people know what is and is not acceptable to us, we make this clear, we advocate for our own boundaries and we enforce them if necessary. Knowing, communicating and maintaining your boundaries in essence is respecting, standing up for, and not harming ourselves. Once this baseline has been established, then we can start thinking about how a benefit can be added within the (therapeutic) relationship. A benefit where both parties come out of the encounter better than they were before. But that’s a topic for another day.

You’ve probably worked out by now that this applies to interacting with anyone, really, and goes beyond the medical context. It applies to patients, to colleagues, friends, family, you name it.

To sum to up, if I were to rephrase my motto in a broader sense, it means giving and asserting respect, interacting with care and honouring the integrity of self and others. It’s about minding boundaries.

Human beings vs human doings?

Many wise people have concluded that we are 'human beings' not 'human doings'. And most of these wise people seem to have come to this realisation later in life, and inevitably wish they had learned this at a younger age. I certainly wish I had known this at an earlier stage in my life, and more importantly I wish I didn't keep forgetting it, either.

It seems many of us are more concerned with producing output rather than receiving input, perhaps even keeping (mindlessly) busy rather than becoming (mindfully) still.

We tend to define ourselves by what we do for a living, what we do for others, what we do to add value. After all, when talking to strangers the first question is 'What is your name'? The second is "And, what do you do (for a living)? Sure, our actions - what we do - are important, of course it matters how well certain jobs are done, what we do for ourselves and for others, and yet there is more to it. To quote the columnist Parker J. Palmer "Who we 'be' is far more important than what we do or how well we do it". This becomes really important when circumstance forces us away from doing what we think we must in order to define ourselves. If, for example we are faced with health issues, redundancy, retirement, the children move out, our relationships change, when we fail at something or when we need to reinvent ourselves. If then, we've attached our sense of self to what we do or did, and the ability 'for doing' changes, or our roles change, then what happens...? I think you can imagine…

Do we measure people who we are close to, by how good they are at something, what they can or can't do? Or do we place importance on who they are, and how we feel around them? What sort of vibes they emit? If they inspire us? If we enjoy spending time with them?

We could look at ourselves the same way, and not measure our worth according to how many things we achieve, how many jobs we get done, what particular role we fulfil. We could instead remind ourselves of who we really are - at the core - and what individual quirks we have to share with the world.

So, next time someone asks "What is your story"? I might just smile, refrain from telling what I do or don’t do, and give them a glimpse of who I ‘be’ :)

Serious Woo - addressing elephants in the room

There's an elephant in the room!

Mental health issues occur quite often in the general population. Depending on the source around 1 in 5 people will have to deal with a mental health issue sometime in their life. So, it is very likely that any one of us will come across this sooner or later, either in someone we know or in ourselves. And it is a given that a number of people in the workplace will be dealing with mental health issues.

Therefore, it is helpful to gain an understanding about mental health issues, be able to better recognise when someone is suffering from a mental health issue, and know how to respond and support the person in getting qualified help. Knowing what to do in theory, and doing it in the heat of the moment, are two quite different things. Therefore, it is extremely useful to participate in an experiential learning course, where participants get the opportunity to practice communication around addressing elephants in the room, before they might have to do so in real-life.

I would like to shout out to the wonderful people at Serious Woo - many of whom I know and can personally recommend - for offering this course in the workplace and corporate space. The course is run by Serious Woo involving professional role-play actors and knowledgeable, highly experienced psychotherapists and facilitators for an engaging experience. For further inquiry and to book a course please contact Serious Woo at:

http://docs.wixstatic.com/ugd/214c7e_4b356f0b0d794a17bb9168abe619d2a2.pdf

or

www.seriouswoo.com.au 

Working in the trenches - Mindset & Resilience

A little while ago, I was talking to a fellow doctor. One of those who describes herself as an elder, or should I say a seasoned individual with a track record of having been in the trenches and seen the better part of the human (mis-)behavioural spectrum. We both agreed that our experiences can and should be used towards helping younger colleagues navigate some of the joys and pitfalls of working life, particularly in the medical profession. And along those lines, we asked ourselves how resilience can be built amongst health care professionals, and in extension amongst people in general.

Resilience is commonly defined as the ability to bounce back in the face of setbacks, failures, disappointments and mistakes. And, I believe one of the biggest barriers to resilience - particularly amongst doctors - is the prevailing 'fixed mindset' (as described by Carol Dweck). This describes a mindset that is very outcome orientated, an all or nothing, black or white view of the world. This mindset is very common, I daresay especially in people who tend towards being perfectionistic, and in my experience there are a fair few of those working in hospitals and practices, near and far. But really, I think this applies to anyone who has a perfectionistic streak. And, these individuals typically fear not getting it right, and making mistakes more than anything. Being anything less than perfect is perceived as catastrophic for them and for the people this may affect. They would have let themselves and everybody else down. How do I know this? Well, take a wild guess;)

The problem is that we all know we are not perfect, nor free from making mistakes. On an intellectual level we understand this, yet, when it happens it feels terrible. Even to the point where it might discourage us from ever trying that particular thing again or moving beyond our comfort zone and trying something we might be less then perfect at. And with that our lives shrink, become smaller and smaller, and definitely less adventurous. Which is a shame. Really.

On the other hand, there are people with a growth mindset (check out Carol Dweck - it's good stuff) who learn by making mistakes. And yes, there are a few of these people working in medicine, too. They go out and experiment, they go take a leap, knowing that there is a possibility for a rocky landing. Picture that! And when and if they land in a heap on the floor, they not only pick themselves back up, but they bounce back. They try again, they try better, and yes, occasionally they fail better. And of course eventually they succeed, and in doing so they grow, they become better than they were before. And I think that is a wonderful headspace to be in.

So how do we as the elders, the youngsters and everyone in-between, create such a health care culture where minds are open, where resilience and support are strong? The good news is everyone can learn to grow a growth mindset, and by doing this, improve their resilience. You can start small, and test the waters. And, you can set up 'safe to fail experiments', in other words small challenges where a crash landing is not life threatening. But you just might find it to be life altering, in a good way. You can orchestrate your environment such that you are supported by people who have done this before and who can cheer you on along the way, and help pick up the pieces when it doesn't go to plan. And this is where elders, experienced colleagues, supportive friends, family, and professionals can be of great help. People who can hold you accountable for challenging yourself with such experiments, and offer support and encouragement where needed. So, from my view as a friend, a family member and a professional, it is in everyone's interest, and it is our shared responsibility to co-create environments that are supportive of individuals who are willing to engage, experiment, contribute and not be blamed and shamed if they occasionally get it wrong. It is important to have each other's backs! And I reckon, the sense of feeling safe to fail and not be draconically sanctioned for any and every misstep will in itself promote more successful endeavours.

The gratitude jar

Hello, and happy New Year! I hope everyone has had enjoyable holidays and is ready for what 2018 will bring.

A friend shared an idea on FB and I really like it, so I will share it with you.

1. Take a nice empty jar (if all else fails a recycled pickle glass will do). I'll take the jar my godson made me (see above) and remember how good the homemade jam tasted.
2. Write something good that happened on a piece of paper once every week (designate a favourite weekday such as Friday - there is a reason it's called TGIF, no?) and pop it in the jar.
3. Then at the end of the year you can read all the little notes and have something positive to remember 2018 by!

Et voilà, one simple jar and you've wrapped a few important positive psychology concepts all into one (gratitude, pleasure, savouring, reminiscing, appreciation of beauty - well, if it isn't the old pickle jar, anyway).