Time is money - or is it?

Yesterday, a coaching session reminded me of something I recently read regarding time and money management, must have been on someone's Facebook feed. Anyways, in a nutshell, most of us would be reluctant to aimlessly give away money. We think twice about what we want to spend our hard earned cash on. Yet when it comes to our time, we seem to be way more generous. Many of us fritter away hours in jobs we don't like, spend time with people we don't really care about, or aimlessly watch TV and surf the net... the options are seemingly endless. And why is that?

Because of the perceived value attached. Money is hard to come by, yes, it is earned and it is spent. In fact, I daresay money is made to be spent. And that is where it differs from time. Time is only spent, never made. Therefore, for the sake of argument, time is more precious than money, it is irretrievable.

So, I have decided to spend my time more wisely. I may ask myself the question if I would give my money to a cause or to a person? And if the answer is no, then the only reason I will give my time, is if I deem the person, the cause more important than that.

A pirate's words of wisdom

“The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem.”

— Captain Jack Sparrow

A wise man's words! What one person sees as a problem may not present a problem for another person, even if they were in the exact same situation. The difference then is not the problem itself but how the problem is perceived. Jack Sparrow calls this your attitude about a problem.

The tricky thing about how we perceive problems is, that our attitudes are shaped by our past experience, our expectations, our beliefs, thoughts and emotions. While we may not always have an influence over the situation, we do have the ability to influence our attitude. And often that shift of attitude already has a huge impact: Perspectives change and new possibilities for action open up. So it is about challenging your attitude around problems. How might we look at a situation differently? What would that mean?

Sound easy? If you are thinking it's not quite as easy as that, then there's good news. Often a little work around changing your focus can go a long way towards smashing those problems. And if your answer is yes, great, then I'd say you've got the problem solved:) 

From reaction towards proaction

Certain people, things or situations can automatically set us off, whereby our usual composed self goes out the window and we (over) react. We might then say our feathers got ruffled, we were rubbed the wrong way, or we 'saw red'.

We all have these triggers, and when those buttons are pushed we seemingly cannot help ourselves. It's like when a reflex hammer hits just below the knee. Kick! Such knee jerk reactions are often associated with strong emotions and are more likely to happen if we are taken by surprise, caught on our wrong foot. These reactions tend to follow similar patterns over and over again, until we decide to do something about it. 

So what to do? We can pay more attention to when and under which circumstances we react. What our buttons are. Once we become more aware of this, we can look for any underlying patterns of thinking and behaviour. And I bet you there are underlying themes! We might need to examine the theme more closely, question the truth of our thoughts, and decide if our actions really serve us well? Easier said than done, after all we have years of experience in thinking and acting in familiar (even if un-useful) patterns, we are creatures of habit, and we tend to have some blind spots. So engaging a trusted person to bring in a bit more objectivity can help. And, once we do start questioning some of our automatic assumptions and behaviours we can start shaping and practicing a different response, one that might suit us better. It's a process, it takes time, but we will have started moving away from reacting towards proactively taking control.

Coaching psychology in a nutshell

People regularly ask me what coaching psychology is. So, in case you have also wondered, this is how I see it.

1. Coaching Psychology is a service for healthy individuals. It is for people who wish to get more out of life; improve their performance, or work towards a certain set of skills (such as improving their communication, presentation, etc). Most importantly (in my eyes), it is for individuals who want to embark on a journey of personal growth. Often times people will engage a coach when they are at a cross-roads, when change is happening, when they want to get unstuck from a familiar rut, and when they want a sounding board to bounce off thoughts, ideas, and explore some options. In short it is about functioning in an optimal way, which includes your emotional life, your thoughts and behaviours, your overall well-being of mind, body and spirit. 

2. Coaching Psychology mainly deals with the present and the future. While exploring the present situation, and perhaps briefly delving into the past, the focus clearly is on moving forward. A coach can help individuals towards figuring out what it is they want to achieve, and then working toward their goals. Along the way the coach will challenge and keep clients accountable. 

3. Solution-focused Coaching Psychology does just that - it focuses on generating solutions, rather than getting stuck on the problems. In order to do this, old patterns of thinking or 'cow paths' (there's a nice Swiss metaphor) are abandoned in order to find new ways of doing things and different paths to wander. After all, one cannot expect a different destination or many new sights along the way by taking the same old road.  

So, this hopefully gives you a better idea of what Coaching Psychology is. If you are considering getting some coaching, and are not quite sure if it is for you, please feel free to contact me with any query.

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Coaching Psychology is not Counselling, Clinical Psychology, nor Psychotherapy, and should not be a substitute for either of these. Persons who are experiencing mental health issues are advised to seek appropriate support from a qualified mental health care professional. 

Diagnose before you prescribe

It is no secret that I am a fan of Steven Covey's book 'The 7 habits of highly effective people'. I find there is a lot of very useful stuff in there. One of the things that really struck me, is his description of the importance of listening in order to understand - truly understand - someone else, both emotionally and intellectually. This also has been described elsewhere as affective and cognitive empathy.

Covey uses the analogy 'diagnose before you prescribe', and as a doctor that really makes sense to me. We've learned to take a history, then examine, come up with differential diagnoses, conduct further testing as necessary, before lastly prescribing and treating. Jumping to conclusions too quickly can have disastrous effects in medicine, and the same goes for communication. If we assume we know what the other person really means, when actually we don't, at best we run the risk of leaving the person feeling misunderstood. And worse, possibly create an opening for further misunderstandings and mistakes. Lastly, it is a missed opportunity to truly connect, and perhaps a missed opportunity to come up with a 'prescription' that both parties can live with, metaphorically speaking.

So, I dare you to imagine what could happen if we all spoke a little less, and listened a little more intently, and with a little more heart...

Words on a gym bag

“Don’t wish for it, work for it”

Today, as I was going about training at my regular fitness joint, the words 'Don't wish for it, work for it' jumped out at me. They were printed in bold pink on a fellow gymgoer's bag. While this apparently is a much used quote in the fitness industry, as I later found out on Google, it was new to me. I think it is a great little quote, and it applies equally well to everything worth wishing for in life.

Don't we all at some point wish we were happier, healthier, more successful, in a better relationship, and the list goes on... While there is a lot of merit in wishing for things and imagining before our inner eye what that might look like, at some point we need to get down to business and start doing. Because it is the doing that gets us there. We hold more power to make our wishes real than anyone else does. Sometimes all we need is a gentle or maybe not so gentle nudge in the right direction. And guess who can give you that nudge, a good coach can:) And that goes for work-life coaching and for fitness training, alike. Loop closed.

Thank you.

A big thank you goes to everyone who took the time to look at this website, and share constructive suggestions, thoughts and impressions.

One point has come up, which I would like to answer. Why is the Harbour Bridge everywhere on this site? Well, I really like that bridge, it is a magnificent and powerful work of construction. Its view greets me day and night, and I can tell which way the wind is blowing and how strong by looking at the two flags atop. Yes, and sometimes I can make out the brave bridge climbers up on the arch. In brief, it represents Sydney. Also, it is a great metaphor for both coaching and communication. A developmental coach aims to help the client (coachee) build a bridge between where the coachee currently is, and where it is that she or he wants to go. And 'building bridges' between people and ideas, is a hallmark of good communication.

So, once again, thanks! I truly appreciate your thoughts and comments, and please keep them coming.

Blogging

Here, I share thoughts, facts and occasionally fiction. 

Mostly though, you'll find my own two cents worth, so please take it with a grain of salt. I often have a bit of fun with these blog posts, and sometimes a bit of wine...