Working in the trenches - Mindset & Resilience

A little while ago, I was talking to a fellow doctor. One of those who describes herself as an elder, or should I say a seasoned individual with a track record of having been in the trenches and seen the better part of the human (mis-)behavioural spectrum. We both agreed that our experiences can and should be used towards helping younger colleagues navigate some of the joys and pitfalls of working life, particularly in the medical profession. And along those lines, we asked ourselves how resilience can be built amongst health care professionals, and in extension amongst people in general.

Resilience is commonly defined as the ability to bounce back in the face of setbacks, failures, disappointments and mistakes. And, I believe one of the biggest barriers to resilience - particularly amongst doctors - is the prevailing 'fixed mindset' (as described by Carol Dweck). This describes a mindset that is very outcome orientated, an all or nothing, black or white view of the world. This mindset is very common, I daresay especially in people who tend towards being perfectionistic, and in my experience there are a fair few of those working in hospitals and practices, near and far. But really, I think this applies to anyone who has a perfectionistic streak. And, these individuals typically fear not getting it right, and making mistakes more than anything. Being anything less than perfect is perceived as catastrophic for them and for the people this may affect. They would have let themselves and everybody else down. How do I know this? Well, take a wild guess;)

The problem is that we all know we are not perfect, nor free from making mistakes. On an intellectual level we understand this, yet, when it happens it feels terrible. Even to the point where it might discourage us from ever trying that particular thing again or moving beyond our comfort zone and trying something we might be less then perfect at. And with that our lives shrink, become smaller and smaller, and definitely less adventurous. Which is a shame. Really.

On the other hand, there are people with a growth mindset (check out Carol Dweck - it's good stuff) who learn by making mistakes. And yes, there are a few of these people working in medicine, too. They go out and experiment, they go take a leap, knowing that there is a possibility for a rocky landing. Picture that! And when and if they land in a heap on the floor, they not only pick themselves back up, but they bounce back. They try again, they try better, and yes, occasionally they fail better. And of course eventually they succeed, and in doing so they grow, they become better than they were before. And I think that is a wonderful headspace to be in.

So how do we as the elders, the youngsters and everyone in-between, create such a health care culture where minds are open, where resilience and support are strong? The good news is everyone can learn to grow a growth mindset, and by doing this, improve their resilience. You can start small, and test the waters. And, you can set up 'safe to fail experiments', in other words small challenges where a crash landing is not life threatening. But you just might find it to be life altering, in a good way. You can orchestrate your environment such that you are supported by people who have done this before and who can cheer you on along the way, and help pick up the pieces when it doesn't go to plan. And this is where elders, experienced colleagues, supportive friends, family, and professionals can be of great help. People who can hold you accountable for challenging yourself with such experiments, and offer support and encouragement where needed. So, from my view as a friend, a family member and a professional, it is in everyone's interest, and it is our shared responsibility to co-create environments that are supportive of individuals who are willing to engage, experiment, contribute and not be blamed and shamed if they occasionally get it wrong. It is important to have each other's backs! And I reckon, the sense of feeling safe to fail and not be draconically sanctioned for any and every misstep will in itself promote more successful endeavours.

The gratitude jar

Hello, and happy New Year! I hope everyone has had enjoyable holidays and is ready for what 2018 will bring.

A friend shared an idea on FB and I really like it, so I will share it with you.

1. Take a nice empty jar (if all else fails a recycled pickle glass will do). I'll take the jar my godson made me (see above) and remember how good the homemade jam tasted.
2. Write something good that happened on a piece of paper once every week (designate a favourite weekday such as Friday - there is a reason it's called TGIF, no?) and pop it in the jar.
3. Then at the end of the year you can read all the little notes and have something positive to remember 2018 by!

Et voilà, one simple jar and you've wrapped a few important positive psychology concepts all into one (gratitude, pleasure, savouring, reminiscing, appreciation of beauty - well, if it isn't the old pickle jar, anyway).

Mindfulness & Wellbeing Series 2018

Ta da!! I am very happy to announce the collaboration with the wonderful Nicole Toohey (leadership consultant and skilled facilitator) on an exciting new workshop; the Mindfulness & Wellbeing Series!

These four evenings are open to all, and are designed to empower you to take your life's journey into your own hands, regain focus for 2018, nourish yourself and add a bit of fun & light-heartedness.

We will be sharing evidence-based tools and research findings on how to improve emotional, physical and mental wellbeing. And, we will also have plenty of time to practice mindfulness techniques, connect and share this experience with like-minded individuals, and lastly enjoy a chat over a cup of tea and homemade bliss balls!

If you are interested, please feel free to contact me, and save the following dates: 6 Feb, 13, 20 & 27 Feb, 7pm in Zetland (near Surry Hills). Early bird registration is AUD 250 pp, until 26 Jan. We will also be circulating flyers shortly. Places are limited, so be sure to secure yourself a spot!

The wind of change...

“When the wind of change blows, some people build walls, others build windmills. - Chinese Proverb”

We certainly live in interesting times. We are in the middle of a digital revolution, which is probably as profound as (if not more so) than the shift from an agricultural society to the industrial age. Now, once again the wind of change is blowing, things are changing and they are changing at breakneck speed. Industries are being disrupted by startups, technology is setting the pace and enabling things that previously were only dreamt of, the world is as interconnected and as accessible as never before, new jobs are emerging, old ones are going extinct and the entire face of society is morphing. This new age - as any new age in history did - poses both huge opportunities and considerable threats. Our life as we know it is being re-written, if we realise it yet or not, let alone if we like it or not.

The mindsets and models for work and life that most of us grew up with were sculpted in the late 19th century, and these largely are no longer applicable and nor do they serve us well anymore. So we need to change our thinking, our behaviour, we need to reconsider our previous models and assumptions, and must reinvent our minds, who we are and how we operate - in other words we need to reinvent ourselves. Granted, this is a challenge, but one that can be tackled. Humans are incredibly able and adaptable, we have found means of living in nearly all climate zones of our planet, we are able to engage in life-long learning, we can acquire new skills and capabilities at any age. It takes effort of course, and sometimes support from people who are a few steps ahead on their journey of change that can guide us here and there.

On the flip side, we can embrace many new opportunities, we can find a way of living life more meaningfully, if we align our values with our striving and undertakings. We can place importance on why we do something and not so much on the how, there are many paths to Rome after all. So, I would argue that if change is happening anyway - and make no mistake, it is, and there is no going back - we might as well sculpt the way we want to work and live in this new environment. And yes it is scary, we need to veer off our trodden path and embark on a new and uncertain journey, we need to jump without knowing how and where we might land. We may not have all the knowhow yet, but we can trust in our own ability to learn as we go, and we will have the certainty of knowing why we do what we do. I really believe that we have been given an ideal window of opportunity to sculpt ourselves and our lives to align with our values and hence live more purposefully. So, as the old Chinese proverb states, I want to be the one building windmills, don't you?

Finding your purpose

Finding one's purpose and acting on it, I believe, is one of the most important quests in life. It is correlated with happiness, resilience and wellbeing. People may have more than one purpose depending on the context. And, I suspect our purpose may change, at least slightly, throughout our life.

Finding my purpose certainly was, and still is an iterative process. Generally, I thought it was 'helping people', which no doubt led to my studying medicine half a lifetime ago. Over the years, I've realised I needed to slightly refine my purpose. Currently, I would define it as 'helping people help themselves'. My belief is that every one of us is essentially equipped with everything we need to help - and to an extent even to heal - ourselves. This may sound somewhat fantastical, however, I think there is something rather comforting in believing that people are, and can become empowered and enabled to act on their own behalf; for the benefit of their mind, body and spirit. The beauty of coaching is that the client is supported in (re-) discovering that agency, or in psychological terms the 'self-efficacy', to be able to improve their own situation and align their effort with what deeply matters to them.

Enough about me. So, where does that leave you and your purpose? Lucky you, if you know what it is and you are living accordingly. For those who have not figured this out yet, positive psychology researchers (Todd Kashdan and colleagues) have identified three main avenues to find purpose: 

1. Proactive - This means you actively choose to search for, find and engage with your purpose. This can include self-reflection or enlisting a professional to help you with this process.
2. Reactive - Something happens in your life that kicks you out of a deep sleep, forces your eyes open and makes you take a good hard look at yourself. This often can be a loss of some sort, for example your health, freedom, relationship or job. It may also be a positive event such as becoming a parent.
3. Social learning - Observing and learning how others live their lives. It might include admiring someone for how they act and wanting to emulate that, or having a role model to aspire to.

And yes, sometimes it will be a combination of the above. If you still find this somewhat daunting, or you decide you want to engage with your purpose now, what are you waiting for? Get the support you need, and get to work!

Fish-eye, zoom & switching lenses

I was talking to my husband about a personal issue that needs solving. And he said to me, 'you know, you are diving into the details rather than seeing the larger picture'. And much as I hate to admit it, he was right. He caught me out. Ha!

As an avid photography fan, I compare this to using a particular lens to capture one's picture. There are those of us who like our tele-lenses, and zoom in on details way off in the distance. Some of us use a macro lens, up close and personal. Then there are those (i.e. hubby) who prefer a fish-eye to capture as much of their surroundings as possible. The really smart photographer, of course, adapts the lens to the situation.

We often look at a particular issue through our favoured lens without even being really aware that we are using but one of many possible lenses, let alone that a different lens might be more useful or produce a more interesting picture. This is where it can be very helpful to engage with people who favour other lenses than we do, or with a professional coach, and learn about different perspectives, and how to apply a broader range of equipment.

So I now make an active effort to switch lenses more often. And I do know that it is often easier recognising the lens another person is using, than recognising your own. Hey, we all have our blind spots. Surely this is an ongoing learning process for most of us. So, rather than inching my way across my particular landscape in tiny blurbs as viewed through a tele-lens, then trying to piece it all together (good luck with that), I will pull out the ol' fish-eye, switch lenses, and give it a go. Who knows what I might see...?

Time is money - or is it?

Yesterday, a coaching session reminded me of something I recently read regarding time and money management, must have been on someone's Facebook feed. Anyways, in a nutshell, most of us would be reluctant to aimlessly give away money. We think twice about what we want to spend our hard earned cash on. Yet when it comes to our time, we seem to be way more generous. Many of us fritter away hours in jobs we don't like, spend time with people we don't really care about, or aimlessly watch TV and surf the net... the options are seemingly endless. And why is that?

Because of the perceived value attached. Money is hard to come by, yes, it is earned and it is spent. In fact, I daresay money is made to be spent. And that is where it differs from time. Time is only spent, never made. Therefore, for the sake of argument, time is more precious than money, it is irretrievable.

So, I have decided to spend my time more wisely. I may ask myself the question if I would give my money to a cause or to a person? And if the answer is no, then the only reason I will give my time, is if I deem the person, the cause more important than that.

A pirate's words of wisdom

“The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem.”

— Captain Jack Sparrow

A wise man's words! What one person sees as a problem may not present a problem for another person, even if they were in the exact same situation. The difference then is not the problem itself but how the problem is perceived. Jack Sparrow calls this your attitude about a problem.

The tricky thing about how we perceive problems is, that our attitudes are shaped by our past experience, our expectations, our beliefs, thoughts and emotions. While we may not always have an influence over the situation, we do have the ability to influence our attitude. And often that shift of attitude already has a huge impact: Perspectives change and new possibilities for action open up. So it is about challenging your attitude around problems. How might we look at a situation differently? What would that mean?

Sound easy? If you are thinking it's not quite as easy as that, then there's good news. Often a little work around changing your focus can go a long way towards smashing those problems. And if your answer is yes, great, then I'd say you've got the problem solved:) 

From reaction towards proaction

Certain people, things or situations can automatically set us off, whereby our usual composed self goes out the window and we (over) react. We might then say our feathers got ruffled, we were rubbed the wrong way, or we 'saw red'.

We all have these triggers, and when those buttons are pushed we seemingly cannot help ourselves. It's like when a reflex hammer hits just below the knee. Kick! Such knee jerk reactions are often associated with strong emotions and are more likely to happen if we are taken by surprise, caught on our wrong foot. These reactions tend to follow similar patterns over and over again, until we decide to do something about it. 

So what to do? We can pay more attention to when and under which circumstances we react. What our buttons are. Once we become more aware of this, we can look for any underlying patterns of thinking and behaviour. And I bet you there are underlying themes! We might need to examine the theme more closely, question the truth of our thoughts, and decide if our actions really serve us well? Easier said than done, after all we have years of experience in thinking and acting in familiar (even if un-useful) patterns, we are creatures of habit, and we tend to have some blind spots. So engaging a trusted person to bring in a bit more objectivity can help. And, once we do start questioning some of our automatic assumptions and behaviours we can start shaping and practicing a different response, one that might suit us better. It's a process, it takes time, but we will have started moving away from reacting towards proactively taking control.

Coaching psychology in a nutshell

People regularly ask me what coaching psychology is. So, in case you have also wondered, this is how I see it.

1. Coaching Psychology is a service for healthy individuals. It is for people who wish to get more out of life; improve their performance, or work towards a certain set of skills (such as improving their communication, presentation, etc). Most importantly (in my eyes), it is for individuals who want to embark on a journey of personal growth. Often times people will engage a coach when they are at a cross-roads, when change is happening, when they want to get unstuck from a familiar rut, and when they want a sounding board to bounce off thoughts, ideas, and explore some options. In short it is about functioning in an optimal way, which includes your emotional life, your thoughts and behaviours, your overall well-being of mind, body and spirit. 

2. Coaching Psychology mainly deals with the present and the future. While exploring the present situation, and perhaps briefly delving into the past, the focus clearly is on moving forward. A coach can help individuals towards figuring out what it is they want to achieve, and then working toward their goals. Along the way the coach will challenge and keep clients accountable. 

3. Solution-focused Coaching Psychology does just that - it focuses on generating solutions, rather than getting stuck on the problems. In order to do this, old patterns of thinking or 'cow paths' (there's a nice Swiss metaphor) are abandoned in order to find new ways of doing things and different paths to wander. After all, one cannot expect a different destination or many new sights along the way by taking the same old road.  

So, this hopefully gives you a better idea of what Coaching Psychology is. If you are considering getting some coaching, and are not quite sure if it is for you, please feel free to contact me with any query.

***

Coaching Psychology is not Counselling, Clinical Psychology, nor Psychotherapy, and should not be a substitute for either of these. Persons who are experiencing mental health issues are advised to seek appropriate support from a qualified mental health care professional.