So, I am quoting the title of an excellent book “The upside to your dark side”. Interestingly, it is written by two positive psychology researchers, dudes who study happiness for a living. Strange, you may think. What is good about negative emotions such as anger, fear, guilt or sadness? Well, I encourage you to read their book if you’d like to find out. It’s a fun read, and time well spent. And in stead of being upset about being upset, or fearing fear, they explain how these emotions are necessary and even quite useful, because if harnessed well, they drive action.
As usual, I have my own thoughts after reading a book that I want to share. In a nutshell the book is about being whole, about striking a balance. Yes, the balance or perhaps even healthy tension that exists between one’s own positive and negative emotions. The yin and the yang, the light and the dark, rain & shine. And where there is tension, there is opportunity for change and growth and all of that goodness.
So why are two happiness researchers writing about the fear-based emotions? Whatever happened to joy, love, happiness, rainbows and unicorns? Have these guys gone back to the dark side? And more importantly, why is their book so important?
As stated in previous blogs; both psychology - and medicine for that matter - have been concerned for a very long time with looking for and understanding pathology. In other words, understanding what’s wrong, why it went wrong and what to do about it. The pendulum had swung completely to the dark side, and there it remained firmly wedged for a very long time. For far too long.
More recently, a movement in psychology started deliberately studying and testing what works well, why it works well, and how to do more of it. This was a direly needed approach to looking at the human condition. We are not just the sum of our problems, there surely is much more to us than that. Then, for a few decades or so, positive psychologists were somewhat frowned upon by the more serious researchers until public interest and the self-help industry jumped on the bandwagon and smiley faces were plastered all over book covers, well intended workshops and coaching interventions. This of course much to the chagrin of the seriously studious ‘dark’ side, who proceeded to deepen their frown and put off positive psychologists as a bunch of soft-in-the-head idealists. What had happened was - fuelled by the public ‘vote’ - the pendulum had swung too far to the other side.
Now, it would make sense that both light and dark are not only present, but in fact necessary and welcome for human functioning and evolvement, just as rain & shine is for the growth of plants.
Let me explain; so the fear based emotions (the dark stuff) mainly function to balance the good stuff, so that we don’t become too bored, too complacent, too content and things start to stagnate, stop moving and eventually grind to a halt. Not useful for human growth and development. Fear based emotions, such as anger, also help activate us, energise us toward action. So, it is our responsibility to harness that power and use it deliberately towards actioning stuff that matters to us. Fear, for example, has an important protective role in keeping us safe, and as such is very useful and integral to our survival. Again, it is a matter of how much anger, or how much fear we feel and employ. Too much of the dark, and we become bogged down, avoidant, paralysed and perpetually stressed. And, our bodies start developing symptoms of stress under constant attack. Also, we tend to loose sight of the bigger picture which can be a problem. If we have too much of the love based emotions (the light) then, enter contentment, boredom, complacency. Too much of a good thing? (I don’t know. Personally, I think there is no such thing as too much love. But I am happy to be challenged on that one.) Now, if we don’t have enough of the light stuff… Well, I think you know what. Let me just say, that I think we could all use a bit more tipping of the scales toward the light, just don’t overdo it;)
So, let’s recap. We cannot live well in an either or situation. It needs to be an AND. We need to strike a balance between light and dark, between yin & yang, between rain & shine in order to create rainbows. We need to be looking at the bigger picture, the entire image. That’s how we manage to move forward, to grow, to thrive, to learn, to fail, to try again, to improve, to create. So, yes, both aspects and both movements have their very important place in driving forward and uplifting the human condition. It is about becoming whole.
Kashdan, T., & Biswas-Diener, R. (2014). The upside of your dark side: Why being your whole self--not just your" good" self--drives success and fulfillment. Penguin.