“A well-designed life is a life that is generative - it is constantly creative, productive, changing, evolving, and there is always the possibility of surprise”
This is not my idea. Two design engineers at Stanford came up with this, and it is brilliant. If you want to learn more check out the two dudes quoted, and the wonderful work they do.
I will, however, share my own thoughts on this. So, designing your life well, finding your purpose, living up to your full potential, finding happiness, figuring out what to do when you grow up, these are all age-old quests. Questions, the answers to which have eluded many and continue to do so. And this is where that stops! We need not accept a life that's ho-hum. And to quote again:
“...the only failure is settling for a life that makes you unhappy...”
So how do we break the cycle, figure out what we want and get it? How do we design our life well? Depending on whose advise you take there are slight variations. Inevitably, there is a process involved (meaning you do it over and over, again and again), and it generally goes something like this:
- Awareness of what is. If you do not know what you are dealing with, you cannot do much about it. It's as simple as that. How do you become aware of your thoughts, emotions, beliefs, behaviours? Well there are a number of tools that can assist you; from mindfulness practice, meditation, observation, using a log book to chart what happens and when, to using clever apps and engaging the help of a professional coach. Basically, it is about being curious and paying attention to what goes on in your head and your life. And remember it is not good or bad, it just is. That's where acceptance comes in. Accepting that we have these thoughts, emotions, etc. does not mean not doing anything about them, though.
- Reframing your thinking, beliefs & behaviour. This means looking at the beliefs we hold and evaluating their usefulness. Again it is not about stuff being good or bad, of interest is its usefulness. How well are our beliefs serving us? Is our behaviour holding us back or is it enabling us. More often than not, we are the ones holding ourselves back because we hold on to unhelpful thoughts (or as psychologists say dysfunctional beliefs). Once we have recognised these thoughts as being unhelpful, we can start re-designing or re-framing them. For example 'I am too old to do...' into 'I can have an impact at any age' or 'I don't have enough time' into 'I am able to make time for what matters'. Often, unhelpful thoughts come in the disguise of excuses that we make to ourselves and others. Excuses that keep us 'safe' from having to put ourselves out there, take risks and possibly fail.
- Figuring out which direction to head. This I believe is the hardest part. There are a few ways of getting a clue. Look at what in life works well. What energises you, who energises you, which situations energise you, which activities energise you? When are you fully engaged and submersed in what you do, when are things in flow? What makes your heart sing? What do you live for? It is generally when we can use our individual strengths, when we collaborate with 'good' people. These all are pointers that give you an indication of where you could head. If you still have no clue, perhaps a more effective way is to try different routes and see which one you like. Read on...
- Generate ideas. This is the creative process, where you come up with different ideas or options to try. Generate at least three different approaches ranging from sensible to crazy. Make sure these ideas or paths align with your general blueprint or compass. In other words they need to align with your values, meaning what really matters to you in life and work. And then...
- Test drive your ideas. Try it on for size. This is where small experiments come in. Experiments that are safe to fail. It is about the experience, what an idea feels like in real life. No matter how much you think about it, mull it over in your head, you won't really know if it works, let alone if you like it, until you leave the drawing board. Give yourself a little taste of what it would be like without burning all the bridges just yet. You've got to put yourself out there and gather data on how it works for you and others.
- Decide which idea suits you best and action it. Once you've tested your best couple of ideas you will have data to work with, and you'll be able to make an informed (because tried and tested) decision. And as the dudes above would tell you, there is no one and only right choice, but there is a good decision making process. And making a decision means committing to one path, and closing the other doors.
- Monitor, re-evaluate & tweak. This is the classic QA cycle. Always testing, always gathering information to base you next decisions on. Just because you've made one decision does not mean it is automatically a good idea to stick with that for ever after. Evolution, adaptation & improvement are the key words here. Wash, rinse, repeat...hence the ongoing process.
This, ladies and gentlemen, is how it's done. In theory. If the practical part seems daunting, I can recommend reading the book & workbook 'Designing your Life', and / or perhaps better yet, getting yourself a good coach to help with the process.
Alas, that's what coaches are, they are process & change specialists!