Many strive for perfection and are guided by the response of others, doing more of what gets us praise and approval or doing less of what has us criticised. In her book ‘Kitchen table wisdom’, Rachel Naomi Remen, M.D. makes a mind-blowing point that both approval and criticism are opposite forms of judgement. Indeed, approval is a form of judgement, too. Approval, praise or lack thereof can just as easily shape behaviour and create feelings of being less than perfect as outright criticism can. Just remember the last time you did not receive a pat on the back for something you were anticipating it for? And, mind you, it need not be someone else who is doing the judging, either. Often, we are the ones judging ourselves. And, as such the quest for perfection is very closely tied to judgment.

So, what lies beyond judgment? Non-judgement and acceptance of what is (including the good, the bad, and the ugly). And, what happens when we fully accept ourselves and others? Then, we have permission to be just who we are (including the good, the bad and the not so pretty), we have permission to be whole. So, to quote Dr Remen; ‘wholeness lies beyond perfection’.

Now, when you really think about it, why would anybody choose perfection - a game we cannot win and one that is closely tied to judgment - over acceptance of our whole person, non reliant on anyone’s thumbs up? Striving for all-round perfection is surely not a very healthy or fulfilling way to live, it is draining and perhaps even a bit boring.

I’ll leave you to ponder this. As with anything self-related it can be a bit tricky to sort this stuff out on your own. So, find yourself a good person to help you nut it out.